In the past month, I’ve had to examine the topic of, “Teaching people how to treat you.” I’ve had to look at what I’m letting into my life, and how I’m allowing myself to be treated.
How we are being treated applies to our personal relationships with those closest to us, our co-workers, and even the stranger on the street.
We need to look at how we carry ourselves in our day-to-day lives, and what kind of energy we project to others. If we present ourselves with confidence, we will be treated with respect in return. If we project shyness or victimization, the energy we receive in from others will most likely not be that of respect and courtesy.
What we put out there into the world is what we get in return. The value we place on ourselves will determine the value in which others see in us, and we cannot expect to be held in high regard if we do not see ourselves as worthy. If you feel you are being treated badly, or are often disrespected by others, maybe it’s time to bring awareness to what message you are putting out into the world.
Examine the value you place on yourself in your relationship with your spouse, friends, or family. Is there assurance and boldness in how you are present and involved in these relationships? Or are you a victim and not questioning the choices that other people are making for you. Are you living your life the way you want to live it?
Here are some tips on how to treat yourself better, so those around you will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
1. You need to love yourself. You might think this is simple, but this can be a difficult one. We need to learn to love and accept ourselves; the good and bad parts of ourselves if we want others to love us for who we really are. We can’t have a genuine, whole relationship with anyone if we only want to show the good parts of ourselves. We need to love and accept all the parts of us−the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of ourselves−for us to get love in return.
2. Know your boundaries. Know what you will and will not accept, and stand up for yourself. I know there are certain behaviors I don’t like, and when I experience these behaviors from those around me, I have to address it. If I am silent and allow it (but cringing on the inside), I’m not being true to myself. When we allow a behavior that is bothering us to continue, we are saying to others (and ourselves) that it’s okay. We need to be able to speak up for ourselves, and not be afraid of the consequences of doing so. When we remain silent, we are allowing ourselves to be victims of our surroundings, and are giving others the permission to behave unacceptably in our presence. More importantly than that, we are giving ourselves permission to be disrespected. If something doesn’t sit right with you, speak up.
3. Are you in a relationship or job that is wrecking your soul? We’ve all heard the many excuses why someone (maybe even you) would stay in a bad relationship or work at a job they dread. What excuses do you make for why you continue a bad relationship? I’ve been in bad relationships, and looking back now, I remember my rationalization and why I felt I needed to stay. I know now that those excuses were not valid, and that I had the choice to change how I was allowing myself to be treated. If you job is sucking the life out of you, take a look at how you are being treated. Are you allowing yourself to be disrespected by people at work? Are you taking abuse from your boss because you are afraid of the consequences for standing up for yourself? We all have a choice how we are treated; we need to find our voice and speak up.
4. What we allow is what will continue. If we allow ourselves to be mistreated, not valued, and stepped on, that is what will continue. Period. We cannot make excuses and justify bad behavior, either for ourselves or for others.
We teach people how to treat us by our presence, reactions, and ability to speak up. We need to find our voice when we feel something isn’t quite right, if it made us feel bad, or if it was just down right wrong. When we are able to understand our worth, and put that out into the world, only then will we get what we deserve.